Who Is This Nutty Blogger?

Call me Kelly.  That's a little bit like "Call me Ishmael."  Except I'm using Kelly instead of Ishmael.  That's completely appropriate because if I used "Call me Ishmael" then I would be a plagiarist, a liar and, quite possibly, schizophrenic.  I try to be semi-original.

Twenty-five random things you never wanted to know:

1. I have lived in seven states and have moved over 30 times (Note: This includes EVERY time I've packed up my worldly belongings and moved to a new place of residence, so college moves count, too!). I have lived in North Carolina, South Carolina, Florida, Connecticut, Colorado, California, and Hawaii.
2. I went to the Colorado/Wyoming State Spelling Bee in 7th grade. I dreamed of the National Bee but, alas, natural talent only gets you so far.
3. I gained over 60 pounds with each of my two pregnancies! :) THANK GOODNESS I dropped it (mostly). I viewed pregnancy as a license to eat. I was huge and NOT one of those pretty pregnant women.
4. I am terrified of squirrels. Seriously. Terrified.
5. Until I was in my mid-twenties, I HATED approaching anyone who worked in retail to ask where an item was. I refused to do it and would wander around the store aimlessly looking for whatever random item I needed. I can't ever get those hours back.
6. I hate to ask for help. For anything. I will carry a 100-pound box up three flights of stairs and stare death/paralysis in the eye before I will ask anyone to help me.
7. I didn't meet my biological father until I was 36-years-old. He's actually a pretty terrific guy. And I have at least TWO half-sisters, one of whom I met and I like very, very much.
8. I love to eat beef bullion cubes. Mmmm, salty.
9. I fulfilled a lifelong dream of performing in NYC...it was improv, not Broadway, but, hey, it totally and completely counts.
10. I don't have a spleen. I was born with one, but it had to go. I can never, ever give blood because of it.
11. I had a GIANT mole next to my eye until I was 27. I decided it was time to remove it when I went to see the doctor for my cough and he walked in and said "So, you're here to remove that mole?" Small children were actually frightened of it. Sweet.
12. I threaten my children with military school if they ever become immune to my discipline at home.
13. I am not a hugger. I LOVE people who hug and I would like to become one. I am working on it. I'm practicing on my kids...'cause kids need hugs. Someday, I'll be able to hug grownups without restraint.
14. I am addicted to Starbucks. Brewed in the store. The STAND-ALONE store, not those rip-offs in Target and Harris Teeter. And it's a true addiction. I panic when I can't get to it.
15. I've been to high-performance driving schools and drove my car very fast while wearing a helmet.
16. I took beginning ballet for gym in college and was pretty ticked off that ALL the people in the class had been "taking" for years. How can it be beginning ballet if you already know everything? I was the only one who learned anything at all in that class.
17. I only like raw veggies.
18. I will eat sushi, mushrooms, mussels, oysters and every odd thing you can think of but I will not eat potatoes or green beans...ever again.
19. When I was in the sixth grade, it was my goal to read every book in the Young Adult section of the public library. We moved after I finished "I am the Cheese" by Robert Cormier. So, I didn't get very far at all in that library.
20. I have extra testosterone. It's in my medical files. That must be why I get along so much better with men than women.
21. I love Dr. Seuss and cried when he died.
22. I got out of a speeding ticket (20 miles an hour over the limit) one Halloween. I think it was because I was dressed like Wednesday from the Addams Family and the police officer was frightened of me.
23. I have an incredibly good male friend who I have never kissed and have slept in the same bed with without ANYTHING ever happening. See? Men and women CAN be friends!
24. I am not afraid of aging. But I am afraid of losing my sense of humor.
25. My son is reading this and he said that he doesn't think I'll ever lose my sense of humor. He thinks I'm funny even when I'm not trying to be funny. Sweet.


  1. I simply love this blog! Thanks for being an FB 'friend'

    1. Thank you!! :) Sorry for the delayed reply but I JUST saw that you made this comment. I need a better system...

  2. Kelly,
    Don't know if you remember me or not, but I do remember you.......being well......not quite as funny as you are now. I found your blog as I read a post on the SCHS '88 reunion page. I love your blog and just know this.....my belly just quit hurting from laughing so hard at your blogs. I AM a new fan. Keep up the great work. It's the double shot of expresso that a body needs to feel alive.

    1. Thanks so much! I was only funny in my head way back then. :) Mostly I kept my sarcasm and acerbic wit to myself. So good to hear from you and thank you for reading my blog and commenting!

  3. I wish that I had been more bold in high school and tried to get to know you better. I'm so blessed that I was given a second chance and can call you a trusted, good friend today. Your courage, wit... moxie, inspire me daily.
    P.S. I'm not a hugger either, but I'm working on it too! :-)