Dear George Clooney

“You don't love someone because they're perfect, you love them in spite of the fact that they're not.”
― Jodi Picoult

Dear George Clooney,

So, it's all over the headlines.  You've broken up with your latest super-hot girlfriend 20 or 30 years your junior.  Or did she break up with you?  I didn't get that straight in the snippet I got from Entertainment Tonight last night.  Regardless, you are now ON THE MARKET.  Just thought you'd like to know that I'm single, too.  Coinky-dink?  I think not.

I'm a REAL CATCH, George.

See, George, here's the thing: I think it's time you experienced a REAL woman.  Sure, you can argue that because you're a super-hot, super-wealthy, incredibly talented bachelor, you can have any woman in the world so why BOTHER choosing a real woman.  That would be ONE argument.

The other side of the coin, though, is all about what you're looking for.  I mean, you MIGHT be looking for someone just to have on your arm so that everyone looks at you and thinks, "Damn!  How do two such super-hot people not just burst into flames when they look at each other?"  I mean, if all you're looking for is someone hot and nubile to spend your time with then, by all means, continue to date these gorgeous women who want nothing more than your money and a position in the sidecar when you jet around the world.  

BUT, if you want something with a little more SUBSTANCE, then I suggest you give me a call.  Sure, I'm a little messy.  Maybe a little lazy sometimes.  I DO eat real food.  My diet consists of more than a few carrot sticks and an Ensure shake to provide nutrients.  Of course, that shows in my thighs...but, no matter.  We all look the same in the dark, right George?  

I can be a little demanding.  I'll need you to bring home some extra half-n-half for my coffee, if that's all right.  And, oh, there are these two kids who live in my house.  They can be a little loud and demanding as well.  But, if you'll just buy them a few video games, I'm sure they won't get in the way.  Here's the good news:  I don't want to have any MORE kids.  I heard that was an issue in your last relationship.

I have a job, which will cut into our travel schedule a little.  But I get three WEEKS of vacation...so, that should be plenty of time for that little Italian getaway.  

Oh, and I don't really wake up pretty.  I mean, my hair is a little crazy and I walk like I'm about a hundred years old immediately upon waking.  These old joints just don't respond as well as they used to.  But, in no time, my hobble increases to a slow crawl.  You'll get used to it after a while.

Bonus news:  my hair isn't gray.  Yet.  Yours is...but I don't mind, George, because you're a guy.  A super-hot, super-wealthy, super-talented guy.  I can overlook your grays, George.  That's just how generous I am.

I'm sure we can take care of that extra little jiggle I have when I walk the red carpet with you.  Spanx are perfect for that kind of thing and I already own some in nude AND in black.  So...we're totally covered there.  My vocabulary MIGHT be a little larger than what you're used to but we'll get you a Scrabble board and start practicing right away.  I don't want to be bored on all of these nights we'll be spending together, George.

So, listen.  I'll just be waiting for your call.  Text is OK, too, because I DO have a job.  I'm really excited about our future together.  I know you are, too.  

With love,
Your future amour

Why I Will Never Win a Beauty Pageant

“Give me the discipline to get rid of the stuff that's not important, the freedom to savor the stuff that gives me joy, and the patience not to worry about the stuff that's messy but not hurting anybody.”
― Vinita Hampton Wright

OK, so even if they HAVE beauty pageants for really old people on the back nine of life, I can NEVER, EVER win.  This is NOT because I do not have the perfectly crafted answer to the question "What is the biggest problem our planet faces?" because I totally do (lack of good coffee, duh) but it is because of my car.

A rare picture.  It was cleaned..by someone else.

You may have seen my car.  It's a nondescript bluish-greenish color with filthy, filthy wheels.  Well, OK, the FRONT wheels are filthy because the most brake dust is generated in the front.  The BACK wheels are just kinda dirty.  I haven't washed my car in...well, I can't actually REMEMBER the last time I washed it but I truly am grateful for all this rain we've been having because it totally rinses the grime off.

Beauty pageant contestants are well known for their poise, their grace and the cleanliness of their cars.  This is a little known fact but I am almost CERTAIN that beauty pageant winners do not make left turns accompanied by the music of half-full water bottles being crunched under the weight of the Goodwill box that was meant to be dropped off two weeks ago. 

I am currently missing three pairs of reading glasses.  I found ONE pair earlier tonight wedged between the right side of my driver's seat and the center console housing the emergency brake.  They weren't mangled beyond repair and are resting comfortably on the end of my nose as I type this.  Success!  Note:  Beauty pageant contestants also do not wear reading glasses.  (I am not so elitist as to claim they don't READ but, you know, if the shoe fits..)

I just realized about five minutes ago that last night's pizza boxes (complete with at least two or three slices of actual pizza) are still in my trunk. Oops.  The BIG deal is that the four bag chairs that were absolutely drenched in the latest monsoon are still neatly folded in there as well.  Probably developing mildew as we speak.  That'll make for a nice smell in the morning...

Any time I turn a corner, I wait for the sound of shifting items.  I should probably belt in some of the larger items simply for safety reasons.  MOST of the stuff in my car is not actually trash (although I did see some french fries in the back seat yesterday...I'm assuming the boys are saving those for a day when I forget to feed them). Most of the stuff is just...stuff.  Shirts.  Socks. Pens.  Books.  Notebooks.  CDs.  Water bottles (all half-full...none of them are empty...which is weird).  Yo-yos.  (I counted a few days ago.  There are three.)

One would think that I would simply...clean it out.  But, something always distracts me.  As soon as I get in the house from the garage my mind immediately flits to...anything else.  But I suppose I need to do something about that pizza and those chairs pretty quickly...maybe even tonight.

So, Beauty Pageant Organizers, just don't call me.  It's not even just that I would be mortified over the swimsuit competition (not because of my fat butt...more because of my lily-white, blue-veined legs) but it's that you won't be able to do the car close-up.  I just can't hang.

It's getting late.  I'll think about cleaning it tomorrow.  Tomorrow IS another day...

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We Are Family

“What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family.”
― Mother Teresa

I have spent the past week entirely in the company of my children.  I am currently locked away in my bedroom with a glass of wine and two dogs with the television blasting the third season of the Gilmore Girls.  After seven days, suffice it to say that I am finished with family time.

Rock, paper, scissors during the Fourth of July Festival

Don't get me wrong.  I adore my children.  I do.  But I would currently like to adore them from a distance.  Preferably with them downstairs pursuing their own activities and me upstairs not having to talk to them.  People say that I will miss them when they're gone.  And I'm sure I will.  (Surely.)  But, for now, I need some space.  And some quiet.  And a few minutes where no one is farting and then telling me about it.

We had a lot of terrific conversations this past week and we endured some fun (and some not-so-fun) activities together.  I learned more about these growing strangers in my home and I feel closer to them after hours in the car and in the house.  We've had junk food feasts, marathon movie sessions, car rides in the countryside and a variety of learning activities disguised as fun.  We didn't get to nearly all of what we wanted to do but that's typical of life with me.  One day, we decided to wake up when we wanted to and we stayed in our pajamas and ate ice cream.  We didn't have a typical "vacation" but it was one that may have been the most valuable yet.  And I'm leaving it feeling fulfilled and rested and ready to get away from these two.

I came to an interesting conclusion here at the end of the week.  For a long time, I have yearned for an adult companion to share our vacations and, in truth, our lives.  I told my Ex Husband the other day that I am glad for the ability to come and go as I please, to do what I want and to not share my bed with a snoring man.  But that wasn't really the whole truth.  I have wished for that very thing over the past several years.  I tell myself (and others) that it's better this way.  It's better to be single and do what I wish.  But I have longed for a man who loves me and, most importantly, loves my children as his own.  And, as much as I like to ignore it, I am a woman who was made to be loved by a man. 

This may really not happen for our little family.  Thing 1 will be up and out into the world in only five short years and Thing 2 will be not far behind him.  During this week together, I found that I enjoyed their company wholly and fully and we were able to be loud and silly together.  I found myself wondering if a blended family would somehow change that.  The answer is undoubtedly yes.  It WOULD change it...now, I can't say if it would be BETTER or WORSE.  But the change would be inevitable.

So I came up with a few good reasons why it's OK for me to remain a single mom for the next seven years:

• I can make all the decisions.  Let's face it.  I'm ALL ABOUT control.  And being right.  And, if I'm the only adult present, I can sing Janet Jackson ALL DAY LONG.  "Now I know I've got to take...control.  Now, I've got a lot..."  I can say yes.  Or no.  And we can have ice cream BEFORE dinner.  
• I can roll my eyes when Thing 1 has an adolescent throwing-things-in-his-room-fit.  This morning, Thing 1 woke up on the WRONG side of bed.  Thing 2 and I were downstairs hearing thuds and thumps.  I knew Thing 1 was just working things out and allowed the behavior because he wasn't harming anyone...he was just getting out his feelings physically without being destructive.  That's totally allowed in my home.  When he came down and slammed his breakfast dishes on the table, I addressed the behavior quickly and it ceased immediately.  I worry that another adult might escalate poor behavior instead of addressing and defusing it.
• We can eat cereal for dinner.  Rules are present in my home but I'm not a stickler for some things.  I see no reason to cook a meat and two vegetables for EVERY SINGLE DINNER.  Sometimes we have cereal. Sometimes we have nutter-fluffers.  And, while we almost ALWAYS eat at the table, sometimes we have TV dinners.  Flexibility is my middle name.
• There is no drama.  I'm not always the best at choosing partners.  I don't want to cry in front of my kids because my feelings are hurt.  I don't want to lose myself or sacrifice myself for another person.  That wouldn't be good.  When the time is right, I will be in a HEALTHY relationship with someone who respects me and loves my kids.  As it is, we have zero drama.  Zero drama is an important part of family life. 
• They get all of me.  I can focus on my hoodlums.  My time and attention belong to them.  OK, I understand that it's important for them to see how healthy relationships function.  But they can get that from their dad and his girlfriend right now.  Or from their grandparents.  They don't have to model relationships from me.  What I can do is give them my energy.  I can laugh at their jokes (but only if they're funny) and play games with them and talk with them about their ideas. 

 Sure, part of me is still a bit sad that we don't have a fourth wheel with a wheel or two or three of his own.   But that's just not in the cards for us.  At least not for right now.   And that's OK. (I mean, I wouldn't say "no" to, you know, a real-life Prince Charming or anything...)  Our little family is chugging along just fine.  As long as they stay downstairs for a little while...

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Ignorance Truly Is Bliss

“One reason that cats are happier than people is that they have no newspapers.”
― Gwendolyn Brooks

Some time ago, I made the decision to remove the daily news from my life.  Before then, I let the news wash over me, swirling into every corner of my head.  I wallowed in political upheavals, I raged at social injustices and I wept for victims in every tragedy.  I sought out news that made me FEEL and wept over the Sunday paper more times than I can count.  I could speak intelligently about issues around the world and I would do so, often heatedly with my voice strident and raised.

I found myself walking around, zombie-like, in a storm cloud of depression almost all the time.  Sure, there were other factors but immersing myself in the news fed this overwhelming sadness.  I ached emotionally almost all the time.  I sought out stories that I KNEW would make me feel worse but somehow it seemed that I deserved this pain.  After all, these poor people in these news stories were suffering far worse than I and it only seemed right that someone tried to share their pain.

This was crazy.  I was taking on the problems of the ENTIRE WORLD and feeling bad about it. 

I started taking full responsibility for my own emotions a few years ago.  I developed the understanding (the TRUE understanding instead of just the intellectual awareness) that no one can make you feel anything.  Sure, people can treat you badly but your reaction to their treatment of you is entirely your own.  If someone yells at you and you feel sad...that sadness comes from you.  If they yell at you and you feel angry...that anger originates in you.  They may be TRYING to get these reactions out of you but, in the end, the reactions are your own and fully of your own making.  You can, believe it or not, choose to react in different ways.  And, if someone treats you badly over and over again, you are also responsible for whether or not you continue to allow them in your life.  You have the ultimate responsibility for your own actions and your own life.

The same thing is true of circumstances: jobs, activities, and, yes, even news.

So I made a choice.  I no longer read news if I can help it.  I watch snippets of the Today Show to get a general idea of what's going on in the world but I don't follow up on the stories with a variety of media outlets.  I don't go to CNN.com.  I don't visit liberal news media sources or conservative news media sources.  I even stopped listening to NPR.

And guess what?  On the whole, I am a much happier person.

Oh, I can no longer hold my own in a political discussion and I would fall flat on my face in a dinner party discussion of world events.  I don't really talk about the news.  Ever.  Does it make me an irresponsible citizen?  Yes, I think it might.  But I was a responsible citizen for a really long time and I didn't effect any real change in the world.  Do I care?  Not so much. 

I worry that not knowing about the world around me will make my brain decay and wither.  But I still love books and I even started working those crazy Sudoku puzzles in addition to my various word games and crosswords.  So, I'm exercising that muscle.

Do I want the world to change?  Oh my, yes.  Do I want people to operate out of love and not hate?  Of course I do.  But the world will do what it will do.  And I will live in love...not sadness.  And maybe, just maybe, the fact that I'm not watching the news and absorbing all that bile into my own life will cause change in my little corner of the world.  

THAT, my friends, is making a difference.  Because I no longer walk around sad and numbed, I am more patient and kind.  I wasn't making ANY difference before.  I wasn't an activist for change.  I was just a sad person reading a lot about the suffering of others.  I wasn't DOING ANYTHING but feeling sad.

There are people who are spurred to action by reading the news. Their outrage drives them to create change.  I salute those people.  And perhaps someday I will be one of them.  But, for now, I continue to heal.  I continue to become a complete person.  And, until I am stronger, I will avoid the news.  Happily.  Blissfully. In ignorance.

If you like my blog, share it.  Or Like my FB page to get updates.  Or subscribe to the e-mail list.  Or make a comment below.  If you don't like it, well...just try not to hurt my feelings.  I'm sensitive.

    

 

Winging It: An American Family Staycation

“Her purchases just about busted her vacation budget, but what else is a vacation for, if not for overindulgence and mindless extravagance?”
― Candace Schuler

For the first time in my adult life, I am actively participating in a staycation.   The staycation isn't one where we just stay at HOME, but one where we stay within a day's drive (to and from...we spend the nights in our own beds) from our home.  The idea of a staycation runs in direct opposition to everything I feel.  I enjoy leaving home.  I like going..anywhere and everywhere.  I enjoy flying and driving to different places and spending the nights in random hotels in random places.  And, if my funds and time were unlimited, I don't think I would ever spend more than a few nights in a row at home.  Perhaps I would tire of unlimited travel eventually, but I think it would take about forty years.

Regardless, I have embarked on the path of an actual grown-up these past couple of years and am not willing to spend money I don't have on a vacation.  According to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average American family spends about $1,415 for a week's vacation.  When I think about our past vacations, that's probably a pretty accurate figure.  I'd like to spend about a THIRD of that this year. Ideally, I'd like to spend about a TENTH of that but gas alone is going to blow that idea.  I didn't save money specifically for vacation this year...and I'm living my life on a budget without overspending (which is a novel concept in my life and one that frustrates me greatly on a regular basis).  I loathe the idea that I have to factor in expenses in planning a vacation but it's a cold reality.  Being a REAL grown-up SUCKS.

Thing 1, Thing 2 and I on a Great Adventure

I did say "planning" a vacation, right?   Yeah, I don't really know about all that.  I'm kind of a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kinda girl.  I had a big "plan" for today's great adventure. I was going to drive them up to the Dan River and get a few inner tubes and have a lazy river float today complete with a succulent picnic lunch on a riverbank.  I woke up to the sound of a delicious rain and cloudy skies.  Hmm.  Guess we'll go indoors today.  Somewhere.  I'll have to think about it...

I'm convinced this year's staycation will be a valuable experience for the hoodlums.  They'll learn a few things on their summer vacation with mom this year:

1. You don't have to go far to have fun.  There will be days (perhaps today) when we stay in town and do things like go to TWO movies in a row.  Or we'll have Family Games at the kitchen table with popcorn and ice cream.  Or we'll just go amble along some of the many beautiful walking paths in our town we've never bothered to explore.  Life is a Great Adventure...every day...no matter where you end up.
2. Our vacation will fit into a budget.  Just because I WANT to fly to Europe and have a Grand Euuropean Adventure doesn't mean I can afford to do it.  The reality of life is that you have to fit your adventures into your wallet.  It's not a lesson I enjoy and it's not a lesson I love to teach on VACATION.  But it's a valuable lesson for kids.  They KNOW I love to go (just go).  And they know that traveling is something I WANT.  But, there is a greater lesson to them in letting them know that I can adjust my wants to fit within my means.  Sure, I still have dreams of an amazing cross-country adventure (that I've decided I will begin saving for...TODAY!) with Thing 1 and Thing 2.  But, for now, I am going to play out our dreams on a smaller scale.  Sometimes, kids, you can't always get what you want.  But you can STILL have fun doing it.  
3. What I want MOST is to spend time as a family.  I adore my kids.  And they're growing into young adults before my very eyes.  They're developing their own personalities and becoming people that I enjoy being around.  This staycation is just another opportunity to be with these new people I'm ushering into adulthood.  In the end?  It doesn't really matter if, where or when we go.  The thing that matters is that I get the pleasure of their company.  (Talk to me in a week when I've been around them 24-7 for seven days.)

It's a staycation.  The Great Kelly Family Staycation of 2013.  But it's STILL a Great Adventure.  These things are fun and fun is good, as sayeth the wise and good Theodore Geiss.

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My Fridge (Or, The Cold Hard Truth)

“My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?”
― Erma Bombeck

I always wonder what refrigerators look like in other people's houses.  I'm too polite when visiting to poke through vegetable drawers and inspect the expiration dates of condiments but I always WONDER if they have the same sort of filth I seem to have.

I am a disgusting human being.  At least that's what usually goes through my mind on the (rare) occasion of cleaning out my refrigerator.  I don't even THINK about the fridge usually unless I'm out of space for new stuff because last month's leftovers are STILL (annoyingly) clogging up that third shelf.  But, a few days ago, I took on the gargantuan task of bringing my home up to the level of habitable by cleaning out the truly revolting messes that have collected in the wasteland that is my fridge.

NOTE: Get ready to feel REALLY GOOD about yourself. 

Step 1.  Assess the situation.

  OK.  The fridge is a nightmare.  This picture isn't even an accurate portrayal because I'd already removed the shelves on the side of the door.

There were leftovers in this refrigerator from January.  I kid you not.  Note:  January was almost SIX MONTHS AGO. 

I removed everything.  Everything.  









Step 2.  Understand and embrace the fact that you have a problem.  

This was shoved in the far corner of the fruit drawer.  Perfectly shaped and wonderful fruits rested far, far away from this nasty little reject.  If it didn't have a stem on it, I probably wouldn't recognize it but I BELIEVE it's an apple.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away?  Eat this one and you die.  Maybe I should take on the persona of that hideous old wicked witch in Snow White.

"Just one bite..."


Also, how can you tell when bleu cheese is no longer palatable?  I mean, it STARTS OUT kinda moldy...


Step 3.  Evaluate your options.  And then judge yourself.  HARD.

OK.  I had FOUR containers of mustard.  Four.
All expired.  The WEIRDEST part?  I don't even use mustard.

I had three jars of salsa.  Half full.

I got rid of EVERYTHING on the left half of this picture.  All expired.  I threw out THREE half-full jars of pickles.  Expired.

That's a LOT of waste.  I felt ashamed of myself.  What a wasteful, ungrateful American I am!

Step 4.  Purge.  Cleanse.  Deep breathing through the exercise.  Let go of the judgment.

I removed every shelf.  Every piece of tempered refrigerator glass.  And I cleaned them each thoroughly (according to the manufacturer's instructions) with warm soapy water.

I let them all dry (to avoid streaks and water spots) while I scrubbed the inside of the refrigerator.  (HOW does dog hair get INSIDE of my refrigerator?)



Step 5.  Change your life.

I started over.

Oh, I kept a lot of things.  Any unexpired condiment went back on the door.  All vegetables (the ones that didn't look like a science experiment gone awry) went into the veggie drawer.  All fruits went back to the fruit drawer.  And all non-moldy cheese returned to the cheese drawer.

And I told the boys we're going "European."  We're only going to buy what we're eating in the next two days.  And then, on the third day, we'll eat the leftovers from the first two.

Change is good.  Change is fun.  Let the fridge be your metaphor.  When things are really nasty on the inside, it may be time to gut it out.

Oh.  Just in case you're wondering, the ENTIRE cleansing process from beginning to end took exactly one hour and 23 minutes with time out for picture-taking.  That's it.  In order to feel good and healthy and non-nasty, I took one hour and 23 minutes out of my life.

Granted, that IS time out of my reading time. But at least now I don't have to stand in front of the refrigerator door with my arms wrapped around it with that panicky look in my eyes when a visitor approaches it.  "NO, NO!" I yell frantically.  "You're my GUEST.  I'LL GET IT FOR YOU!"


Go on.  'Fess up.  What does YOUR fridge look like on the inside?

f you like my blog, share it.  Or Like my FB page to get updates.  Or subscribe to the e-mail list.  Or make a comment below.  If you don't like it, well...just try not to hurt my feelings.  I'm sensitive.  

Best Day Ever

Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.  
                                                   ~Voltaire


I have been awake for approximately 40 minutes.  And I am having the BEST DAY.  EVER.  Granted, many of my days start out as the BEST DAY EVER because I am, by nature, a morning person.  It is only when other people starting crowding into my day that I deflate and turn sour.

But so far, today is IT.

1. I believe that ABBA's Dancing Queen MAY be the best wake-up song ever.  I was awake before my alarm this morning but was brushing my teeth when the alarm went off.  I heard it and said (out loud...to no one), "OOH! DANCING QUEEN."   I immediately danced my polka-dotted-pajama-clad self into the room, arms swaying high over my head while Mr. McDougal looked at me with his tiny McDougal head cocked to the side.  You can dance...you can jive...having the time of your life...ooh, ooh, see that girl, watch that scene, diggin' the dancing queen.  Seriously, are there ANY better lyrics to wake up to?  For a while, I had The Weepies' World Spins Madly On set as my wake-up song.  It's a WHOLE different ballgame to wake up to Woke up, wished that I was dead.  With an aching in my head, I lay motionless in bed.  I thought of you and where you'd gone....and the world spins madly on.  That tune really just gave the start of my day a whole different meaning.
2. I LOVE (love, love, love) waking up with Sparky and Mr. McDougal. I am a huge fan of waking up with 80+ pounds of furry love trying to get as close to me as possible.  As that 80 pounds vies for position, the smaller mound of fur turns his back on the lick-fest/giggle-fest and begins his morning routine of stretching.  Then when I say "Do you want to go outside?" there is an immediate bout of extreme tail wagging and excitement as they bound down the stairs for their first outdoor adventure of the day.  Who WOULDN'T love to be greeted by two creatures who seem to always, always be glad to see me..even if we've just spent the night all tangled up together?
3. Charlie cat is a different story.  He is my morning dose of reality as he bitches at me to GET HIS FOOD OUT NOW.  Of course, he's 17 so that makes about 190 or so in people years (I don't know how old he would really be in human years but he is the crotchetiest cat EVER at this advanced age).  He yells and follows me around the kitchen as if he's meowing, "Faster, faster! What's holding you up?  What is WRONG with you, woman?  GET MY FOOD!"  I still pause to pick him up (AFTER he's been fed and the coffee is brewing) and give him some kitty love to start his day off right.  He looks at me (a bit disdainfully, but I'm OK with that) and will put a paw on my face, maybe in apology or maybe just to turn my head away so he doesn't have to look at me while he gets his morning kitty-massage.
4. The mornings are quiet without the boys here.  That's good because I like to hear the birds chirping outside and the sound of the coffee pot sputtering.  It also provides a wonderful contrast for when they ARE here.  It helps me to appreciate the sounds of their doors opening and closing, drawers being slammed shut and shouts of "Have you seen my shoes?" from upstairs.  Morning is my very, very favorite time of day....especially the early morning hours before the rest of the sleepy world begins to stir.  The furry legged creatures usually settle down around my feet as I write and drink coffee.  It's cozy in my house in the morning.  Most of the time, I wouldn't rather be anywhere else.  
5. Press n' Seal is the BEST INVENTION EVER.  If you're still clinging (pun intended) to Cling Wrap or Saran, STOP.  Go now and get yourself some Press 'n Seal.  Or Press And Seal.  I don't know. I'm not looking at the box right now.  It truly is one of the best inventions known to the modern world, bar none other than maybe the Cadbury Egg.  (I don't know why I threw this thought in but I think I decided to simply write in a stream of consciousness....welcome to my brain.)
6. One of my friends on Facebook does a Corny Joke Month in June. Every day, I wake up to a new corny joke.  Especially now since she's out of the country....sometimes when she's IN the country, I have to WAIT for an hour or two after I've been awake for the corny joke but THIS week it's been waiting for me (making today, again, the BEST DAY EVER).  They've been REALLY HARD this month and I've only gotten one before everyone else.  This morning, I DID answer first but it's totally wrong.  Sometimes I want to cheat and Google the joke to find the answer.  But I don't cheat.  It's kind of weird that I DON'T because...honestly...who would KNOW?  I feel that cheating would defy the spirit of her Corny Joke Month, though.  The fact, however, that she DOES Corny Joke Month makes me ridiculously happy.  I mean, STUPID happy.  (Did I mention BEST DAY EVER?)
7. I use a LOT of capital letters when I write.  I write exactly the way I think and speak so I really am emphasizing those words in my head.  It's important to me that the cadence of my speech and the DRAMA of my speech comes across as I write.  I don't really operate in a monotone world.  All you're missing right now is my hands waving around to and fro while I try to communicate a point.  Sometimes looking back over my writing, I'm a little annoyed with myself at the massive quantities of capital letters.  It would be SO much more elegant to bold everything.  But that would require SO MUCH additional time and energy.  Laziness wins!

So, world, give me everything you've got today.  I can take it.  It's the BEST DAY EVER.  Now, off to get ready for my dentist appointment....

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