Things That Polite People Avoid

 "Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others.  If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use."                                                                                            --Emily Post

Today, I sat behind a Toyota Corolla trying to make a LEFT turn on a very busy four-lane road without the aid of a traffic light at 6pm.  I tapped on my steering wheel and asked the driver, "Seriously?  Is this a good idea?  Are you a federal government employee?"

I watched as the traffic flew by.  Cars whizzed by from the left.  They chugged along from the right.  I became more and more frustrated with the decision-making skills of the driver in front of me.  "Because I have SENSE," I told myself, "I am making a RIGHT turn onto this very busy road.  You, Ms. Toyota Corolla should take a page out of MY book and do what is GOOD and, more importantly, JUST."  Honestly, this person was just being RUDE by making this left turn. 

See, I have this list of Things That Polite People Avoid.  I believe fervently that rudeness is actually evil incarnate and I try to be polite to people as much as I can, often to my own detriment.  In my 20's and 30's, I should have been involuntarily committed because of the lengths I would go to to avoid "putting someone out."

So, here's the (condensed) list.  Learn it.  Live it.  Or at least try not to take advantage of those of us who are overly polite.

1. Polite people avoid talking on their cell phones while checking out of any line.  I want to CUT people who do this.  If you have a conversation that you absolutely MUST have (and I have HEARD some of your conversations...they have more to do with Sally Jo's latest hair disaster than a 911 call involving the person behind you in line), then please do it BEFORE you approach the register.  The person behind the register is actually human.  Seriously.  They really don't want to hear (second-hand) about your knee problems or the fact that your husband went to the Bahamas with his dental hygienist.  Honestly, you are forcing them to eavesdrop. 
2. Polite people avoid saying no.  To everything.  Yes, of course you can cut in front of me in line.  Yes, you can be two hours late for any event I am holding.  Yes, you can have my kidney. (You see what I'm getting at here?  I've had some serious issues with this whole "polite" thing.)
3. Polite people avoid blocking lanes of traffic when trying to ease over into a left- or right-turn lane at the last minute.  I will go MILES out of my way if I make this error rather than force the traffic behind me to wait while I nudge my car into a non-existent space into a turning lane.  I abhor people who do this and who stare straight ahead as if they have every right in the world to block ALL the traffic behind them.  Nope, suck up your mistake Suzy Q and keep driving.  Do a u-turn (legally of course) down the road but do NOT BLOCK TRAFFIC.
4. Polite people avoid asking for help.  Even if you are in a store and an employee is STANDING RIGHT NEXT TO YOU, you do not ask for assistance.  What if they're busy?  OK, they don't LOOK busy, but maybe they are on the cusp of solving the world hunger problem and if you ask your stupid question (e.g. "In what aisle could I please find the cat food?" because of COURSE you have to throw in a please if you DO ask your stupid question) they are going to completely lose their train of thought and, bam, world hunger still exists.  Because of you.  Keep it to yourself and find your own damn cat food.  (I have a REAL problem here, I'm telling you. I am a ridiculous human being.)
5. Polite people avoid telling you that they are angry or that you've hurt their feelings.  In almost 13 years of marriage, I really don't remember my ex-husband and I ever REALLY arguing.  I mean, I would get snippy sometimes but he never did.  We didn't argue.  By the time we figured out that arguing was probably important (and actually healthy), we were so disconnected that neither one of us cared enough to be angry about anything.
6. Polite people avoid people.  After all, if you don't connect with people, then you don't have to ever be rude.  Duh. 

In case you're wondering, that Corolla finally DID make their left turn and I was able to quickly make my right turn, shaking my head at the complete lack of respect that Corolla driver had.  After all, I would have driven ALL the way around the block in order to avoid making the line of cars behind me wait.  Did I mention that I try to ONLY make right turns when driving if at all possible?  OK, we'll leave that for another time.

Who Am I?

 “The beginning is the most important part of the work.”
― Plato, The Republic

It's easiest to begin at the beginning, isn't it?  When people tell stories and they start in the middle you get all confused and you have to ask "Now, what a minute, who's that guy Dave?  Where does he fit in?"  (Now, see?  You didn't even know there was a guy Dave in this story!  Truth be told, there isn't.  Confusing, right?)  I never like to begin a story in the middle, so I'll start from the start.

I named this blog My Rockin' Chair because of one of the most significant men in my life...JT Settlemyre.  JT was my grandpa and he was a red-haired, fired-up, white-likker-drinkin' son of a gun.

I adored him.

JT Settlemyre, United States Army Cook and Troublemaker

When he was "celebratin'" (which is what he called his three-, four-, five-day drunks), he liked to sing his "drinkin' songs."  How I LOVED those songs...even more so after learning how HIGHLY inappropriate they were for an impressionable young girl.  One of his favorites, after marinating in the juices of his Canadian Mist/Sundrop concoctions was:

"Takes a rockin' chair to rock, takes a rubber ball to roll, takes the woman I love to satisfy my soul, I said I'se JEALOUS...jealous-hearted me.  I said I'se JEALOUS...jealous as I could be."

He would sing snippets of these songs and no more.  While I have the whole catalog of JT Drinkin' Songs in my head, I have no idea if any of the lyrics were correct and it's doubtful that they were truly in tune.  I always encouraged him to sing them...and I would sit right there and sing them with him.

So if it does, indeed, take a rockin' chair to rock...well, then, this is my rockin' chair

JT was unafraid to be himself and, if he gave you advice, it would be one of two things, always in his strong, southern drawl:
1.  If you get into trouble with the law, you tell 'em you know JT.
2. Don't take no shit offa nobody.  (I almost softened that...but I know he wouldn't want me to.  No apologies.)

He offered pearls of wisdom, steeped in his sense of self-worth:
1.  Glad you got to see me.
2. Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out.

JT was one of the few people in my life who gave me the idea that maybe I was someone special...at least to him.  He would carry on about how smart I was ("You could get on that Wheel of For-tune.  You know ever' damn one of those things!") and, when I went to college...the first in my family to do so...he was proud.

He was larger than life and he gave me my love of a character.  Once, I shared a long plane-ride from San Francisco to Hawaii with a brash, drunken stranger who boasted that, when he saw his teenage children upon landing he would gleefully run up to them and yell "I'm gonna KICK YOUR ASS." He brayed laughter and slugged down vodka after vodka.  When I covered myself to nurse my five-month-old son, he loudly announced that he was NOT going to LOOK AT THAT but he realized that babies have to be fed.  He then shielded his face with one large hand while he noisily sucked on the ice cubes left in the bottom of his vodka cup.

I think many people would have been put off by this obviously drunken, slightly off-kilter stranger, but I was fascinated.  When the flight attendant mouthed an "Are you OK?" over my seatmate's head, I gave her a nod and a smile.  She shrugged with a "What can you do?" look and moved on, probably grateful that I wasn't demanding to be moved on the full flight.  I was JT's granddaughter, though, and I was not only accustomed to loud voices and drunken laughter but I reveled in them.

These things are the stuff of life.  Characters.  People who love you.  People you love.

JT.  You've been gone for years but I hear your voice in my head.  I can smell the tobacco-and-whiskey flavor of you.  I can hear you say "Heeeeeyyyyy, Kelllllyyy!"  Both of my kids have the initials JT.  I love you, Grandpa...this one's for you.