“It's so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.”
― John Steinbeck
I woke up this morning at 2:48 a.m. It felt like one of those nights where I wouldn't be returning easily to the Land of Nod, so I came downstairs and let the dogs out. I opened my back door and saw this floating over the trees:
|OK, I am NOT a photographer. And this is from my iPhone...but you get the gist, right? It's a full moon.|
And life, for me, began again.
I've been absent for the last half of a month from my own little Blog World because I've been...sad.
There are a myriad of reasons for my sadness and I won't go into them here and now because, quite frankly, I've already WRITTEN about them...I'm just not going to share them. I WILL say that I have really struggled with the idea that people, as a group and sometimes individually, are often just...CRAPPY. And I won't claim that I'm "depressed" because I KNOW people who have been/are clinically depressed and they really have a hard time getting out of bed. I respect them too much to equate my little pity party with their true suffering. So I won't over-dramatize it (I KNOW...so unlike me) but I will say that life has been bringing me down. And I've been a Debbie Downer. I've been a bitter old lady.
When I'm sad, I become introverted. I retreat far into myself...only truly communicating with a few select people and pretty much ignoring everyone else because I simply cannot give time to anyone else while I'm muddling through my sadness. It's like having the flu...I don't want to INFECT anyone else by spreading my sad mucky-muck germs.
Until I saw that moon this morning.
And, like an engine that's been sitting too long with bad gas, I felt a little hiccup and a sputter and then I felt the smile come back into my heart. That, my friends, is a very good feeling.
I'm going back to the land this weekend. Back to the earth. I'm putting on my backpack and hitting the trail for some hardcore primitive camping (I mean, OK, I will include wine but it will be in a box and, therefore, primitive). That will only make my smile broader...to breathe in mountain air in the fall and to sleep on the earth for a night or so with someone I love. And piece by piece, things will fall back into place and I'll forget about how crappy people are and my rose-colored glasses will once again rest firmly on the bridge of my nose.
But for now, I'm going to sit here and write a little more and drink my coffee. And ponder what the chances are of me getting back to sleep tonight.
Welcome back, me. :)
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