“And suddenly you know: It's time to start something new and trust the magic of beginnings.”
― Meister Eckhart
If you've read this blog at all, you must know how passionate I am about the reality that we get this ONE chance. We get this ONE life. That's all we have.
You better lose yourself in the music, the moment-Eminem, Lose Yourself
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime
When I got married a long time ago, I was young. I was 24, fresh out of college and completely unprepared for any kind of real life. I hadn't even thought at all about what I wanted from myself and my own life, let alone any idea about what a marriage was supposed to look and feel like. My idea of marriage came from the twisted dysfunction I had seen growing up merged with the romantic comedies that I consumed ravenously, starry-eyed and rapt over the perfectly-worded confessions of the male lead's heart.
I was broken when I married so long ago. I didn't even know how broken I was until I tried to blend my life with someone else. I don't think that poor guy knew what he was in for. I was a Good Time Girl. I liked my drinks. I liked my fun. And I liked to run away from anything and everything that looked like it might be hard. I steeped myself in my own pain. And when I got sad? I got really sad. And I got all wrapped up in my own crap. Then I wasn't so much fun.
The truth is this: I was young. I was selfish. And I had no idea what it meant to be a partner.
Fast forward a decade plus a few years and I found myself divorced. Still sad. Still broken. And I decided to go on a journey to figure out what was wrong with me. And I did the hard work to fix it. It sucked. It was painful. I was whiny and almost impossible to deal with and I made some poor decisions along the way. Fortunately, I have some very patient friends who spent many long hours listening to me whine and cry (hey, thanks again for all that!). I figured out how to be happy.
I found love. Again. But different. I was different. I AM different. A lot less young. And a lot less selfish. And I have a pretty good idea of what it takes to be a partner. And I now know what I need in a partner. It all sounds like Very Real Adult Grown-Up Stuff.
|The Boyfriend became The Fiancé during our trip to Italy!||What?|
It takes a lot of strength, humor and bravery to start over by blending two families into one. But he has strong hands. And a good heart. And I have a big smile. And we both have the ability to laugh at ourselves (mostly at me), a lot of faith, a ton of love, and a much better understanding of how to make this thing called marriage work.
We'll do the work. And we'll begin again. Two as one. Deep breath.
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