Coffee: Addiction or Healthy Drink of Choice?

“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?”
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes

I was at Starbucks this morning reminiscing about my very first Starbucks experience.  I wandered into that first Starbucks in Denver, CO one crisp autumn morning because I was drawn to the line that snaked OUT THE DOOR.  I wondered to myself if this was the only coffee in town or was it simply THE BEST coffee in town?  Since I was on a business trip and the Starbucks was conveniently located across from my hotel, I decided to try my luck and wandered to the end of the line.  I reviewed the menu of choices: lattes and cappucinos with unpronounceable names and sizes.  It was like entering a whole new world.  Howard Schultz is the J.R.R. Tolkien of the coffee experience.

My precious.

Finally, the barista handed me the steaming cup of bitter, dark brew.  I inhaled deeply.  Mmmm...coffee.  I was unaccustomed to such an over-roasted bean at that time and I ended up putting in a LOT of cream and sugar. I found myself a wee bit sad at the end of that first cup. Apparently, it only takes one.  I was hooked.

Since that day many, many years ago, I have consumed enormous quantities of Starbucks coffee.  So much so that a guy at work who does an impression of me always lifts his hand to hold an imaginary cup as he sashays in imitation across the office.  And I've branched out over the years to include tastes of other coffee shops but, still, nothing compares to that wonderful dark cup of delicious bitterness. 

I don't think I can live without coffee.  At least, I can't live in HAPPINESS.

I set out to find out a few facts about the bean to see if I can justify (or at least understand) my unquenchable thirst for java.  The last one is a zinger (that's called a teaser so you'll keep reading...I'm getting used to this whole blogging thing). 

1. According to the National Coffee Association (yes, there IS such a thing), there is a legend that coffee was first discovered many centuries ago by Kaldi, an Ethiopian goatherd who noticed that his flock had trouble sleeping after eating some berries from some native trees.  Kaldi told some monks in the local monastery about this (because, obviously, monks are the first people you go to when you figure something out) and they made a brew from the berries.  The brew kept them awake during long prayer sessions (apparently, they had some pretty lengthy talks with God).  And the love affair with the bean began.
2. According the International Coffee Organization (yes, there IS such a thing), over 1.6 BILLION cups of coffee are consumed worldwide every day.  I wonder if they're counting my six or more cups per day?  
3. Many people say the French press is the best way to get a nice cup of joe.  But if you're hooked on an electric pot, there are multitudes of reviews out there for everything from a $15 Mr. Coffee to a $2,899 Impressa J9.3 One Touch TFT.  I calculated it out, and I can get 1,208 Venti cups of coffee for $2,899.  So, basically, that's over three years of once-per-day Starbucks minus the cost of coffee for the machine.  I am looking for a new coffee maker currently, but I probably won't spring for the Impressa.  
4. The old warning that coffee will "stunt your growth" is untrue.  Coffee, however, DOES have some caffeine which stimulates the nervous system.  And, according to Kidshealth.org, more than one or two cups a day can cause anxiety, dizziness and sleeplessness.  WHAT?? 
5. The world's most expensive coffee is Black Ivory Coffee.  It comes from beans taken right out of elephant poop.  Yep, this Canadian businessman feeds elephants coffee beans.  Then, after the beans are digested, they are harvested from the poop, sun-dried and then roasted.  And all this will cost you about $500 per pound.  Apparently, it's very smooth.  The tagline for their Web site reads: Naturally enhanced by elephants, ethically and with relentless passion. 

I will probably stay away from the Black Ivory Coffee but ONLY because I can't afford it.  If I had a private jet, I would fly up to that production facility post-haste and ask in my BEST redneck voice:  "Ya'll got some of that passionate poop coffee?"

Until then, I'll stick with my Venti dark roast.

If you like my blog, share it.  Or Like my FB page to get updates.  Or subscribe to the e-mail list.  Or make a comment below.  If you don't like it, well...just try not to hurt my feelings.  I'm sensitive. 

Parenting Teen Boys

“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”
                                                          ― Erma Bombeck

I have been the parent of a teenager for less than 24 hours now.  I figured now is the PERFECT time to put in my two cents about parenting a teenager while I still know everything.
  
Top 10 Things You Must Do As the Parent of a Teen Boy

1. You must always tuck them in at night.  Pull the headphones away from their ears and shield
   
   their iPhone from view and look them in the eyes and tell them how much you adore them.  Boy children will HATE this but some of it may sink in.  
2. Tell them the truth about girls.  Let them know EARLY that girls are freakin' NUTS.  Tell them about how we hold grudges and get emotionally hysterical.  Tell them how we like to rescue losers and a-holes and leave the nice guys in the dust.  Give them the dirt NOW so they know to avoid them as long as possible.
3. Tell them to suck it up.  Sometimes, life hurts.  Sometimes terrible things happen.  And you've got to keep going.  You've got to pretend it doesn't hurt sometimes so you can get through your day.  When all is said and done you can have your breakdown in private with your therapist when you're 35.  But you're a tiny man now...suck it up.  
4. Keep them active.  Given their druthers, they would spend 24 hours a day in front of a screen.  ANY screen.  I have no idea why they love screens so much but their brains are connected to them wirelessly.  I think the boy mind CALLS out to technology.  I blame Bill Gates.  GET THEM AWAY from the screen.  Introduce them to nature.  Tell them about things like the SKY and WEATHER.  
5. Force them to converse.  The teenage boy vernacular is littered with grunts, inaudible hisses and voice-deepened shouts (usually in anger or surprise and almost always directed at a sibling).  Speak slowly while attempting to maintain eye contact.  This will be difficult because their heads are usually aimed at the floor.  Ask for reciprocation.  Example:  "Son, how was your day?"  "Grunt, grunt.  Hisss."  "Let's try again.  Please speak in clear sentences."  "Fine, Mom."  Hey, ANY progress is good.
6. Control shower time.  Some teenage boys prefer not to shower.  Some shower so excessively their skin is in danger of actually peeling off.  Install a shower timer.  15 minutes should be plenty of time to get clean, right?  And for those who don't WANT to shower, consider putting their beds in the tub.  In the morning, you have dual-purpose shower head:  alarm clock and cleanliness agent.
7. Hide food.  Any and all junk food will be eaten prior to any fruits or vegetables.  All junk food will be consumed in MASSIVE quantities.  If you have a stash of Oreos, keep them where the teen boy will NEVER find them:  in the laundry basket or perhaps under the lawn mower.
8. Ask them to repeat instructions.  Verbatim.  Offer instructions to them ONLY when all screens are off (see number 4) and limit instructions to only three line items (one is preferred because you're going to have to repeat 2 and 3 multiple times).  Have them repeat the instructions back to you three times.  They will STILL forget steps 2 and 3 but with this method, they usually manage to complete the first item.  (Note:  This method can also be used with husbands.)
9. Hoard chargers.  They will come to you when their chargers are missing.  Do NOT give them your chargers.  They are guaranteed to disappear and then you will be without your own screen time.  If they need something charged, take the item with you and secretly charge it near another place the teenage boy will never look: the dishwasher.
10. Love them unconditionally.  The teenage boy will drive you bananas with his eating, his bodily noises, his smells and his blank stares.  Love him anyway.  The teenage boy will use his body to destroy your home, your pets and you car.  Love him anyway.  The teenage boy will be unreasonably angry sometimes and he might slam a bedroom door.  Love him anyway.  He will test your limits, your sanity and your wallet.  Love him anyway.  

In reality, the teenager is still your little boy starting to stretch out into a man's body.  His heart is still tender and growing and his mind is still curious and strong.  You can still take care of him, albeit from a distance these days.  Stay strong, Teenage Boy Parents.  Remember that your role in life is to embarrass and to cause misery on the OUTSIDE while being secretly proud and wishy-wishy-lovey-dovey on the INSIDE.  

If you like my blog, share it.  Or Like my FB page to get updates.  Or subscribe to the e-mail list.  Or make a comment below.  If you don't like it, well...just try not to hurt my feelings.  I'm sensitive.

Life as an Uncool Mom

“Any fool can do something cool and look cool, but it takes skill to make something uncool cool again.”
― Criss Jami

Thing 2 sat me down for a serious talk tonight.

"Mom," he opened.  "I would like to talk to you about M rated video games."

(Internal alarm bells begin to ring...DANGER, DANGER) 

Courtesy ESRB

He went on.  "I know how you feel about the M rated games but I think you should know that two of my good friends who I KNOW are good kids play M rated games.  You like them, too...[Kid 1] and [Kid 2].  Wouldn't you agree that they're good kids?  Polite and respectful? THEY are allowed to play M rated games."

This kid is well on his way to becoming an attorney the way he sets his traps and goes in for the kill.

We spent the better part of an hour going over WHY he wants to play these violent games and how he feels like he's matured significantly and on and on and on.

And I HEARD him.  I really did.  I understand that it STINKS to not be allowed to do something your friends are doing.  But I also firmly believe in this:  Garbage in=garbage out.  I don't think a 10-year-old needs to be armed with a machine gun blowing off the heads of other people...on-screen OR off.   We even went to the game section at Target during our conversation and I picked up a few M rated games and read the back (because maybe I'm just a little too Tipper Gore for my own good) and the reasons for the M rating.  I felt nauseous.  Intense Violence. Nudity.  Intense Language.  REALLY?  This is FUN for people? 

I am uncool.  I get it.  And he's afraid that will make HIM uncool.  And, there's a 100% chance that I'm not going to change my mind on this.

I gave him an assignment.  He is to go and research the effects of violent video games on kids and adults.  I told him to bring a list of pros ("Why I should be allowed to play violent video games") and cons ("Why violent video games might harm me") and we will discuss it.  I told him that if he finds THREE sources with PROOF that violent video games do not, under any circumstance, cause mental or emotional harm then I would go and buy the game.  PROOF.

I did ask Thing 2 how he thought these violent video games were going to be GOOD for him.  There was a telltale silence on the end of that question mark. 

The one thing that made my heart soar was that we were HAVING THE CONVERSATION.  He approached me in a very mature manner and stated his case.  There was no whining or arguing.  We simply discussed it like two reasonable people.  This means that something is really right with our relationship and, as uncool as I am, I think that's super hip.  :)

I think the assignment is going to open his eyes to the psychological effects video games can have...especially on eager young developing minds.  Who knows?  Maybe he'll become uncool like his mom and decide that E for Everyone really IS the way to go.

Parents?  Do you allow M rated games in your home?  Am I missing the boat here?  

Memorial Day: Thank you for your sacrifice

“Honor is the presence of God in man.”
― Pat Conroy

(daisy-blue63: photobucket)

Over 1.3 million men and women have died in military service to our country since the beginning of its history.  Very close to half of those people died during the American Civil War.

1.3 million sons and daughters.

1.3 million brothers, husbands, fathers, sisters, wives, mothers, friends.

1.3 million flags draped over caskets. 

Before my family begins its Memorial Day activities, I want to pause and remember why we're here.  There is a reason I can sleep comfortably in my cozy bed every night surrounded by the people (and animals) I love. 

Because of more than 1.3 million people who have died and the untold numbers who have served, currently serve and will serve in the United States military services, I have the freedom to:

• say what I want to, in public
• own a gun if I want to or NOT own a gun if I don't want to
• keep my own home for myself and my family without interference from the government
• be secure knowing that, unless I'm suspected of doing something really wrong, no one can enter my home without my permission 
• have due process if accused of a crime and I don't have to say anything that might make me look guilty
• have a trial by jury (boy, I sure hope I don't do anything WRONG anytime soon!)
• be protected in the event that my home is searched and a jury has convicted me...I shouldn't be tortured in prison
• have my rights protected
• live in a state that has the right to make its own laws fit for its people 

Now I realize our country has its share of differences.  We squabble about this freedom and we strive for that freedom.  We have a tendency to put ourselves on opposite sides of the fence because sometimes I think we forget that what we ALL are, at the end of the day, is people.

Over 1.3 million people have died to give us the opportunity to bicker and whine and throw barbs at one another?  My guess is that every single one of those people would tell us to lay down our arms (figuratively and literally) and HONOR the lives they died to protect.

They died for you.  They died for me.  They died for my kids.  We all need to remember that.

Thank you to all the military men and women who serve in the face of grave danger to themselves and at risk of hurting their own families.  Thank you for putting your country first.  Thank you for the time spent away from home and for the many, many nights you have been alone without your friends and family and wondering why on earth you ever signed up for this thankless job.  Thank you for your courage and your honor and your service.

Happy Memorial Day.

Pinterest Interest/Disinterest

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you'll go.”
― Dr. Seuss

OK, I realize I am FAR, FAR behind on the whole Pinterest craze.  I am somewhat the opposite of the early adopter.  I'm not even cool enough to be a LATE adopter.  I'm more of a middle-of-the-road adopter.  And the sad thing about Pinterest is that I really haven't even ADOPTED it yet.

I created a Pinterest account the other day.  I have NO IDEA what to do with it.  And it MOCKS me.

See?  It says "Hey, dork, if you even HAVE interests, you can put them here.  Obviously you have none because this space is empty.  Dork.  Uninterested Pinterester."

 I don't know why people visit Pinterest.  I have seen them post things like "I want my bathroom to look like this."  OK, so AFTER you post the picture for your new and improved bathroom, do you begin to make it so?  Or are there Pinterest Fairies who flock to your home and remove all your old, ratty towels and replace them with sumptuous spa towels?  Because I am ALL OVER IT if there are Pinterest Fairies.

Or people who post FABULOUS recipes.  Do they then go and buy the ingredients and toss that puppy together?  Better yet, does the recipe then LOOK like the delightful Pinterest picture?  Or does Rachel Ray show up at your house with a bottle of red and a paper bag crammed with random ingredients from the local Fresh Market and whip you up a gourmet meal in 20 minutes or less?   If so, does she clean up afterward?

To me, it looks like Pinterest is going to be yet another one of those places that makes me feel "less than."

And what IS the whole "pinning" thing anyway?  It's an online bulletin board...I GET that part.  But when you "pin" it, does it ALWAYS show up on your Pinterest wall or does it behave like a normal bulletin board and get lost under all the OTHER crap you pin on TOP of the first thing you pinned up?  My bulletin boards are always a study in chaos.

Guaranteed my bathroom is not getting a remodel anytime soon.  And that magnificent antique bed?  It won't belong to me.  The recipes will be filed away (or at least stuffed in the general vicinity of my other recipes) but probably not created on any kitchen surface of mine.

If Pinterest is a place to DREAM, I'm all in.  If it's a place where we (as women, because HONESTLY, are there MEN who use Pinterest?) put things up to make us seem like we effortlessly put our lives together with little to no help, then I'm gonna have to pass.  I have enough insecurities, thankyouverymuch.

WHAT IS THIS PINTEREST?

Why do YOU use it?  Is it going to add value to my life or just be yet another technological time sucker?  I don't want to miss out on something amazing.  But I don't want to get all excited about something that is going to turn me into a useless, tongue-wagging zombie, either.  I have Facebook for that.


If you like my blog, share it.  Or Like my FB page to get updates.  Or subscribe to the e-mail list.  Or make a comment below.  If you don't like it, well...just try not to hurt my feelings.  I'm sensitive.

  

Same Life, Different Day

“In life we don't always get what we want; hopes and dreams get washed away so easily, hearts are broken, chances are missed, and we always seem to end up right back where we started.”
                                                            ― Rebecah McManus

I might as well get a hamster wheel and install it in my living room.  I often feel like I'm living the real-life version of Groundhog Day.  You remember the movie?  Bill Murray lives the same day over and over and over and over.

I get up.  I walk.  I make coffee.  I fix lunch for the kids. I take a shower.  I go to work.  I come home.  I do whatever for the kids.  I go to bed. I get up.  I walk.  Over and over and over and over.

Am I the only person on earth who feels this way?

I never thought it would BE like this and I really feel adamant that it shouldn't STAY like this for any length of time.  I try to mix it up.  I take different routes to work.  I adopted a new dog.  I took a cooking class last week.  But why does it feel like everything is the same all the time?

Things That Are Needed

• I need more travel in my life.  I need to have fabulous traveling adventures and I need the funds to support it.  I want to take my boys to see amazing things like Niagara Falls...no, we'll go bigger in this dream....ANGEL FALLS.  I need photos of them next to the World's Largest Ball of Twine.  I want to tuck them in in France one night and Southeast Asia the next.  I want Santa's sleigh so I can travel quick and light and with elves.  

•  I need more laughter.  I want more belly-shaking, soul-scrubbing laughter.  I want to howl in fits until tears stream down my cheeks and my abs develop into a six-pack just from all of the giggle workouts.  I want to find the humor more and the pain less.  

•  I need more music.  I need to see more live music...concerts, singer-songwriters, groups, solo artists, ensembles, trios, instruments, vocals.  I need to listen to the birds singing in the trees more and listen to the boys singing their parodies in the car.  I need music louder and in every room of my house.  Music feeds my longing for connectedness.  

•  I need more life in my life.  I need to figure out where the "old me" goes to hide.  Where IS that girl who laughs all the time and finds the joy in the simple things?  She spent so much time being sad about something that she lost her way and deflated her life into something much smaller than it should be.  That girl had a BIG life.  She had a big laugh and a big smile and a big sparkle in her eye.

• I need more close friends.  I need to invite people in who make me laugh and think.  I need to connect with those old friends and go out into the world and make new ones.  I need people who are positive and who wrap their arms around life because they LOVE BIG.  

 Life is short.  But the days do seem long sometimes. Time to get off the hamster wheel and understand that life was never meant to be put on hold.  My kids deserve a mom who knows how to be fully present in every moment.  The hamster wheel doesn't belong in my home.  We're not people who are going to continue to go nowhere.

Darn it.  The hamster wheel is closed not just for the season..but for this life.


If you like my blog, share it.  Or Like my FB page to get updates.  Or subscribe to the e-mail list.  Or make a comment below.  If you don't like it, well...just try not to hurt my feelings.  I'm sensitive.

Multiple Random Objects: Clutter in my mind reflects my bedside drawer

“Out of clutter, find simplicity.”
― Albert Einstein

I've been tossing and turning in my bed for the past hour.  As a part of healthier, happier me, I've pledged to sleep at least 8 hours every night.  BUT, because I spent an enormous amount of time resting today, I am not properly exhausted at bedtime and my mind turns to overdrive hashing out all crap in my life in the attempt to turn it into unicorns and rainbows.

I finally gave up about five minutes ago and turned on my bedside lamp.  I opened the nightstand drawer in hopes of finding a pen to start slashing out pro/con lists and found (among other things) these random objects:

In my nightstand, I have a weird black glove, a rubber bouncy ball, a ROCK, a CAR charger, a plastic spoon, a magnetic clip, a drawer knob (that doesn't match any of my furniture), a broken kids' clothing hanger and a weird joiner thing that looks like something I might need for something electric.  There were also post-it notes, user manuals, a battery charger, a few random books and a rice-filled flannel warmer but I didn't feel like pulling all those things out to clutter my bed for the picture.

My nightstand drawer is a reflection of my mind.  I have a bunch of useless, random crap cluttering it up and I can't seem to throw it out.  WHY do I have a BROKEN hanger in my nightstand drawer?  The better question might be:  WHY DID I JUST PUT IT BACK?

I keep things far after they've outlived their usefulness.  I DO eventually get rid of unused objects but sometimes they hang out in my life longer than they need to before I finally get the nerve to clear them out.  They make me feel bad while they're around but still I cling to them.

Albert Einstein said "Out of clutter, find simplicity."  OK, Einstein, here goes:

• Get rid of it.  The simplest thing is to dump it.  The WHOLE THING.  I had no idea what was in my top nightstand drawer because I NEVER OPEN IT.  I probably never open it because there is nothing in there I need.  All I need in that drawer is a pad of paper, a pen and a flashlight.  That's it.  Simple.
• What does it mean?  Clutter in my drawer really does reflect clutter in my mind.  I read recently (and I'm not EVEN going to tell you where I read it because it's terribly embarrassing...do NOT look it up!) "Messy bed, messy head."  It's so TRUE.  If my bed is unmade it usually means that I'm in a bad place emotionally.  If my bed is made, then usually I'm a pretty happy person.  That cluttered nightstand drawer?   It must go.  Maybe it will be the whole key to clearing out the things that are bugging me in my life.  And then I can sleep.
• Does it make a me a bad person to have a cluttered nightstand drawer?  Here's the thing:  when you see a beautiful spread in Better Homes & Gardens, you see brightly lit homes filled with fresh flowers and beautiful throws artfully placed with books neatly stacked in bookcases.  Do those people REALLY LIVE THAT WAY?  Maybe.  But, if so, I probably don't want to know them.  People HAVE clutter. EVERYONE has clutter.  Some have a little.  Some have WAY too much.  But if you're living a big life, you don't have time to keep everything immaculate all the time.  My cluttered drawer doesn't make me bad.  It makes me normal.  

My closets need cleaning.  My bathrooms need scrubbing.  My dogs need bathing.  My ceiling fans need dusting.  And my life needs a little polishing.  I'm working on it.  I don't know that I'll ever NOT be working on it.  But, boy, I try ALL THE TIME.

Now, where's that pen???