Monday, May 27, 2013

Same Life, Different Day

“In life we don't always get what we want; hopes and dreams get washed away so easily, hearts are broken, chances are missed, and we always seem to end up right back where we started.”
                                                            ― Rebecah McManus

I might as well get a hamster wheel and install it in my living room.  I often feel like I'm living the real-life version of Groundhog Day.  You remember the movie?  Bill Murray lives the same day over and over and over and over.

I get up.  I walk.  I make coffee.  I fix lunch for the kids. I take a shower.  I go to work.  I come home.  I do whatever for the kids.  I go to bed. I get up.  I walk.  Over and over and over and over.

Am I the only person on earth who feels this way?

I never thought it would BE like this and I really feel adamant that it shouldn't STAY like this for any length of time.  I try to mix it up.  I take different routes to work.  I adopted a new dog.  I took a cooking class last week.  But why does it feel like everything is the same all the time?

Things That Are Needed

  • I need more travel in my life.  I need to have fabulous traveling adventures and I need the funds to support it.  I want to take my boys to see amazing things like Niagara, we'll go bigger in this dream....ANGEL FALLS.  I need photos of them next to the World's Largest Ball of Twine.  I want to tuck them in in France one night and Southeast Asia the next.  I want Santa's sleigh so I can travel quick and light and with elves.  
  •  I need more laughter.  I want more belly-shaking, soul-scrubbing laughter.  I want to howl in fits until tears stream down my cheeks and my abs develop into a six-pack just from all of the giggle workouts.  I want to find the humor more and the pain less.  
  •  I need more music.  I need to see more live music...concerts, singer-songwriters, groups, solo artists, ensembles, trios, instruments, vocals.  I need to listen to the birds singing in the trees more and listen to the boys singing their parodies in the car.  I need music louder and in every room of my house.  Music feeds my longing for connectedness.  
  •  I need more life in my life.  I need to figure out where the "old me" goes to hide.  Where IS that girl who laughs all the time and finds the joy in the simple things?  She spent so much time being sad about something that she lost her way and deflated her life into something much smaller than it should be.  That girl had a BIG life.  She had a big laugh and a big smile and a big sparkle in her eye.
  • I need more close friends.  I need to invite people in who make me laugh and think.  I need to connect with those old friends and go out into the world and make new ones.  I need people who are positive and who wrap their arms around life because they LOVE BIG.  

 Life is short.  But the days do seem long sometimes. Time to get off the hamster wheel and understand that life was never meant to be put on hold.  My kids deserve a mom who knows how to be fully present in every moment.  The hamster wheel doesn't belong in my home.  We're not people who are going to continue to go nowhere.

Darn it.  The hamster wheel is closed not just for the season..but for this life.

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