Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Blood and Cookies (Or, How I Triumphed Over Adversity Already Today)

“No matter how bad things are, you can always make things worse.”
― Randy Pausch, The Last Lecture

Today, I feel like a Disney princess.

I don't feel like a Disney princess (please note that there is a marked difference between a DISNEY princess and a REGULAR princess...Disney princesses are way cooler, more diverse and have much more magnificent party dresses) because I have a teensy tiny waist or because my facial features are delicate or even because woodland creatures live in my house and scamper around while I sing. While all these things MAY be true (I said "MAY," I didn't say "ARE"), the real reason I feel like a Disney princess today is because I have triumphed over adversity this morning.

Because I was able to "sleep in" until 6 a.m. yesterday, my mind was cranked up and ready to go this morning at 3:30 a.m.  Because my mind and my body are continually at war, I stayed in bed until 4:00 a.m. until I finally gave up and headed downstairs to make coffee and cookies.

Yes, cookies.

Who, you may ask, gets up at 4 o'clock in the morning and thinks it's a great idea to MAKE COOKIES?

Well, I did.  This morning.  Sometimes, I think it's a great thing for people to wake up in the morning to the smell of freshly baked goods.  I want the boys to leave my house someday and be reminded of home every time they smell freshly baked bread or cookies or cakes or clean laundry.  And then, I want them to get into their chariots and coax their horses through the wooded kingdom to visit me in my castle.  But I usual.

So, my PLAN was to come downstairs, brew some java and whip up some Tollhouse deliciousness to fill the air with the aroma of love and bustling motherly activity.

But first, I needed to feed the loudly mewling cat who weaved around my feet while I let the dogs outside.  I picked up a fresh can of cat food from the pantry and paused.

Yesterday, I did SOMETHING to my second finger on my right hand.  I picked up a splinter or SOMETHING but it's swollen to about twice its normal size and very stiff.  It hurts but, like all hurts,  I assume it will go away sooner or later.  For the time being, I am simply trying to avoid using that finger or even really touching it.  'Cause ouch.  BUT, it's the finger I normally use to stabilize the can of cat food while I pop open the tab with my index finger. 

Dilemmas like this are not uncommon in my world.

So, my brain kicked into high gear and came up with the brilliant solution to simply use ANOTHER FINGER to steady the can and I stood over the trash can with the lid open poised to drop the discarded tab directly into the trash when.....OUCHY MAMA WOWIE!!!   I sliced open the THIRD finger on my right hand with the sharp edge of the can top.

Mother of PEARL that was a lot of blood.  Blood spurted out from the gash all over the lid of the trash can and my white kitchen floor.  I didn't curse but moved quickly to the roll of paper towels next to the sink and sprayed THOSE with festive red patches while I tried to gather enough towels to stave the flow of blood.  I lifted my hand above my head with pressure firmly applied and contemplated the cat.

Hmm...the cat STILL hadn't been fed.  But my right hand was now rendered virtually useless and, not to mention, THROBBING with pain.  Just so you know, the fresh pain did make me forget about the pain in my other finger.  So, yeah, that theory DOES hold some water.

Eventually, the heavy bleeding stopped and I fumbled with feeding the cat with the remaining useful thumb and fingers on my right hand.  I fed the dogs and let THEM in and then carefully eased the coffee into its filter without splashing any blood into THAT.

I stood there in my kitchen for a moment and surveyed the damage.  Not too bad.  I cleaned up quickly and then applied some handy Bactine (because the bottle stated VERY CLEARLY that it would stop the pain) and a Band Aid with Neosporin built right in which is ALMOST as good as a 64 box of Crayolas with the handy sharpener.

I ALMOST didn't make the cookies.

But I am a Disney princess today.  I persevered.  I triumphed over carnage and my children will be blissfully unaware of my continued sacrifices for them.  Until I tell them.

My two useless fingers.  I guess it's time for another BandAid...

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1 comment:

  1. Typical morning lately: Open eyes, note whether it's light or dark out. (Light: YES!), grab phone to note time. Slide notification bar down. Scroll through Emails. Some LinkedIn Bullshit (why are there two, when I never use it?), Thrillist, Vydox, VA Loans, MY ROCKIN' CHAIR! I get in, sit down, and smile. (And then proceed to WordFeud, Facebook and eventually go make coffee) You are a fantastic writer because you express yourself SO WELL. And I know with blogs, one can only spend so much time editing. You don't need that anyway. Pure Kelly. All the time. It's no wonder so many people love you. This is like Spring in my mailbox almost everyday.