Sunday, November 24, 2013

Dear College Admissions Counselor

“Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

My extremely talented, super gorgeous, amazingly intelligent goddaughter has requested that I write a recommendation letter for her Common Application to a variety of prestigious universities (I am just a TEENSY bit proud of her as if I had anything at all to do with her wonderful-ness).  I am not going to write that letter here, but I'm TOTALLY going to use the blog as a warm up for the REAL letter I will write for her a little later.  These are the words I REALLY want to use but I will behave and write a fine, upstanding recommendation so as not to screw up her chances of securing a spot in the freshman class of (insert name of the most prestigious university you can think of here). 

Dear Prestigious University Admissions People:

In life, we rarely have the opportunity to encounter people who are exactly the people we would like to be if we were smarter, kinder and more attractive.  My Gorgeous Goddaughter is one of those people for me.  OK, smarty-pants admissions people, it is NOT because she's a total hottie and I would like to recapture the days of my own firm-fleshed youth.  But I want to tell you a little bit about why you need to let her into your snooty-patootie academic world:

  • She is ACTUALLY nice to people.  Don't get me wrong, Academia World Granters, she's not one of those people who HAS to be nice.  You know who I'm talking about, right?  No, but she is one of those people who champions the underdog.  If there's a kid who looks lonely sitting under one of the storied trees on your campus, this girl will go over and smile at them and make them forget about torturing cats.  She will most likely attract a stalker or two at some point BECAUSE she's so nice to people but I think your security team can handle it.
  • She's WAY funnier than you would expect (and funnier than I think even she knows).  I think this mostly because she laughs at my wisecracks.  But here's the thing about truly funny people:  they're the SMART ONES.  And, believe me when I tell you this O Wise Ones, you NEED some funny people in your classrooms.  I've seen some of the folks who alum from your hallowed halls and I am here to tell you that funny is definitely something you could use.
  • She is humble.  OK, she's not an idiot so she does KNOW she's smart.  But she goes about her intelligence quietly.  She doesn't need everyone to know she's the smartest kid in the room (and I would brag openly about her test scores, but she's not my kid so I can't).  She just does what she does like a Woman Behind the Curtain and, BAM, before you know she's given you a heart.
  • She takes advantage of every opportunity.  Riddle me this, University Gatekeepers, how many kids do you know who are brilliant AND who can rappel down a huge rock face?  This kid is a ballerina AND a math nerd.  She's a cheerleader AND has taught Sunday school in El Salvador.  She can canoe AND organize a charity event for Locks of Love.  This girl is a-mazing.  No, make that A-Mazing.  Capital A.  
 So, I realize that all you people take, like, what?  6 people?  every year.  I realize that your world is narrow and elite.   But I want you to know that no matter WHERE my Gorgeous Goddaughter chooses to attend (and, don't get me wrong, she will have MANY CHOICES, Illustrious University Peeps), she will excel and achieve more things before breakfast than you and I will do in a week. This kid is going places where most of us don't even live in daydreams.  She's the Real Deal.  She is a rare and dazzling gem and I hope you see her shine from the depths of the papers you have in her very thick admission files.  And she is more than her ridiculously high test scores and excellent grades. She is the Total Package. She's the kid who will walk out of your doors and you will stand there, blinking, because you know you've just witnessed history in the making. 

So, don't embarrass yourselves like the coach who kicked Michael Jordan off the basketball team wayyy back in his early days.  You don't want to be the university who turned my Gorgeous Goddaughter down when she's running the Show.  And I do mean RUNNING THE SHOW.  Don't be that place who turned her away.  Give her your stamp of approval so she can move on with her life and make her choices.  (I'm just saying that she may not choose YOU but don't let that hinder you from rubberstamping her passage through.)  

She's better at being a human being than I'll ever hope to be.  And I cannot wait to watch her soar.  

Go on.  Stamp "Admitted" on that app.  I'll wait.  

Her Biggest Fan

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