“Each one of us is selfish, including me.”
― Santosh Kalwar
An acquaintance of mine sent a "funny" New Yorker cartoon to me via e-mail. The caption of the cartoon read (I'm paraphrasing since I don't have it in front of me): "The reason no one visits your Web site is because it's all about you." His attached comment was something along the lines of "Hope this doesn't happen to you."
I was offended.
I am guessing he didn't mean to be hurtful but I'm going to answer him publicly (even though he won't get the message because APPARENTLY he doesn't visit this blog because it's all about me. She shoots, she scores!!)
- I am selfish. I admit it. I want things to go my way 110% of the time. Please acknowledge my birthday. Tell me I'm smart. Tell me I'm a good writer. There is so much "me" in my head sometimes that I can't get out of my own way. BUT, that doesn't mean that I don't have heart and it doesn't mean that I can't put my selfishness aside for the benefit of others. I am a mother so I come home at night and I make dinner and I pay attention to homework. Do I want to do those things all the time? No, I really don't. Sometimes, I want to come home and lose myself in a good book with my hoodie-footie jammies on. But I don't because I CAN put myself aside. My Ex-Boyfriend-Turned-I'm-Talking-To-Him-Again has, on several occasions, counted the number of times I use the word "I" or "me" in an e-mail when I am upset with him. Looking back on this paragraph, I see it about a bajillion times. I am selfish.
- Society teaches us that women are to put their needs aside and selflessly serve. I am selfish but I have sacrificed and martyred myself to the point of exhaustion at times in my life. I have stuffed down my own needs to give and give and give again until I'm so depleted I have nothing left for anyone or anything. Doing so creates an annoying, whining mess of me and I, for one, have learned my lesson in this regard. Mother Theresa was super good at being selfless. Paris Hilton, not so much. I hope I fall somewhere in between.
- I am writing this blog because it frees me. The response to it has been amazing and unexpected...but I honestly don't care if anyone reads it. I expect a few people close to me to read it but...as far as the general public goes....I doubt if they will find it terribly interesting because, as the cartoon said, it IS all about me. The coolest thing that has happened since I started this blog has been hearing that people who DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL are enjoying what I write. But, that aside, the whole point of it is to have a place to put my thoughts...to catalog them and to examine them. I don't WANT to be silent anymore. The effort of being silent is too great of a burden.
My name is Kelly. And I am selfish. Let me have this ONE PLACE to fully embrace it.
Now, I promised the kids I would make them dinner...