Monday, July 15, 2013

Where Can I Find the Facebook Crazies?

“I don't trust anyone who doesn't laugh.”
― Maya Angelou

I have a fairly manageable list of friends on Facebook.  And my friends there are witty.  And smart.  They often make intelligent arguments for causes they believe in.  They proffer links to donate to charities they're passionate about.  They're committed and involved parents.  They're loving husbands and wives.  In short, they are just really nice, ordinary people.

What I found out tonight is this:  there is a-whole-nother Facebook world I am not privy to.  And I am obviously MISSING OUT.

Several of the people I was with tonight were Facebook friends with the person who posted THIS gem (you're going to have to fill in the blanks because I just can't bring myself to fill them in for you):

Being this f*ing sexy doesn't require any work or upkeep.  I just roll my happy a** out of bed and...BOOM B***CH! 

The BEST part about the above is that it was followed by THIS status update BY. THE. SAME. PERSON.:

On our way 2 teach Vacation Bible School

And no.  I am NOT making this up!  The ragged discord these mixed messages sent through me made me laugh so hard I almost wet myself.  They just rolled their happy patooties out of bed and got their VBS on.  I guess it just goes to show that God uses ALL of us, doesn't He? 

What I want to know is this:  WHERE ARE THESE PEOPLE ON MY FRIENDS LIST?  I mean, NOT A SINGLE friend I have who teaches Vacation Bible School (and there are quite a few of those) has ever (to my knowledge) posted a cute little Garfield pic with an f-bomb or the phrase "BOOM B***CH."   I have simply never seen it.

This means that I can't make fun of a SINGLE friend on my FB list.  

Let's troll through status updates on my Home page for a moment:

  • A cute pic of a dog guarding the door of an even cuter sleeping baby.
  • A well-written, thoughtful note about the beautiful evening sky and the sliver of a moon.
  • A Bible verse.
  • A motivational quote about movement.
  • A link to a training seminar 
  • A sweet quote about love dedicated to a partner
  • A wholesome family photo
Not a SINGLE curse word.  Nothing about sexiness.  I can't mock A SINGLE FRIEND.  They're all just really nice people who say nice things about others and who do nice things for other people.

I just can't figure out what I'm doing WRONG...I am BY FAR the WORST person on all of my Facebook friends list.  By FAR.  Am I not supposed to bring people down to my level?  These Facebook friends of mine are like the creamiest cream rising to the top while I sit here looking up at all of them thinking to myself, "BOOM B***CH!"

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