Wednesday, April 17, 2013

I am such a SUCKER

It did what all ads are supposed to do: create an anxiety relievable by purchase.”
                                  ― David Foster Wallace

I just read an article about the hilarious Rebel Wilson.  I became a HUGE (no pun intended) fan of hers through her work on Bridesmaids and then fell in love all over again with her Fat Amy role in Pitch Perfect


Now, I want to stalk her and buy t-shirts from her Fat Mandi Web site. (The funniest part about the t-shirts?  They only come in sizes medium and above because they're "not for skinny bitches."  See what I mean?  HILARIOUS.)  I already own Bridesmaids but I'm considering running by Target tonight to pick up Pitch Perfect and perhaps that Details magazine that had a little snippet about her.  I want to be her New Best Friend.

All because I read a stupid article.  Publicity articles, commericials and print ads were made with people like me in mind.  You can sell me ANY. THING.  If it's a clever ad and you make me believe I need it, well, by gory I will move hell and high water to get it.

Case in point:  when I worked in marketing for a little company that designs and markets software for nonprofits (OK, fine, it's a BIG company now but I try not to use names so that I don't offend people), I told all the folks I worked with about the TREE that grew MULTIPLE FRUITS.  I saw it in one of those ads in the Sunday paper coupons.  It was something like: AMAZING tree grows a VARIETY of fruits!  I thought this was the most CLEVER invention EVER.  My marketing manager thought I was hysterical SO they bought me one as a going-away gift when I left.  The thing looked like a stick.  They had made little pieces of fruit..bananas, apples, and oranges...and had hung them on the tree with pictures of my marketing department friends and messages written on the fruits.

I planted that sucker.

And I was disappointed when it died because I KNEW it would bear magical fruit.  I was really, truly devastated because the AD SAID IT WOULD BEAR FRUIT.

I also always believe that I will win when I play ANY sweepstakes game, buy a lottery ticket (which I did one time), or purchase a raffle ticket.  I truly, truly believe I will win.  I am also SURPRISED when I don't.

Infomercials?  Fuhgeddaboutit. I need EVERYTHING I see on an infomercial.  If they have half an hour to sell me something, it becomes a life's goal of mine to acquire said product.  I focus in on it until I see a commercial for something else that I absolutely must have.

I have come so close to buying those glass things you put in plants to feed them, face creams, foot lotions, tanning supplies, get-thin-quick nutritional supplements, miracle bras, miracle pants, miracle music.  Any new car ad I see makes me want to get that car.  EVEN vehicles that I would never in a million years consider buying. "Oooh, I think I DO need that Ford Ranger for hauling mulch!  Look how SPORTY it is!"

I am such a freakin' sucker.  You could totally sell me swamp land.  Or air.  (I have bought air before at the gas know you have, too.)

Now, I have to run to Target before they sell out of all the copies of Pitch Perfect....

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