I am such a SUCKER

“It did what all ads are supposed to do: create an anxiety relievable by purchase.”
                                  ― David Foster Wallace

I just read an article about the hilarious Rebel Wilson.  I became a HUGE (no pun intended) fan of hers through her work on Bridesmaids and then fell in love all over again with her Fat Amy role in Pitch Perfect. 

I LOVE HER.

Now, I want to stalk her and buy t-shirts from her Fat Mandi Web site. (The funniest part about the t-shirts?  They only come in sizes medium and above because they're "not for skinny bitches."  See what I mean?  HILARIOUS.)  I already own Bridesmaids but I'm considering running by Target tonight to pick up Pitch Perfect and perhaps that Details magazine that had a little snippet about her.  I want to be her New Best Friend.

All because I read a stupid article.  Publicity articles, commericials and print ads were made with people like me in mind.  You can sell me ANY. THING.  If it's a clever ad and you make me believe I need it, well, by gory I will move hell and high water to get it.

Case in point:  when I worked in marketing for a little company that designs and markets software for nonprofits (OK, fine, it's a BIG company now but I try not to use names so that I don't offend people), I told all the folks I worked with about the TREE that grew MULTIPLE FRUITS.  I saw it in one of those ads in the Sunday paper coupons.  It was something like: AMAZING tree grows a VARIETY of fruits!  I thought this was the most CLEVER invention EVER.  My marketing manager thought I was hysterical SO they bought me one as a going-away gift when I left.  The thing looked like a stick.  They had made little pieces of fruit..bananas, apples, and oranges...and had hung them on the tree with pictures of my marketing department friends and messages written on the fruits.

I planted that sucker.

And I was disappointed when it died because I KNEW it would bear magical fruit.  I was really, truly devastated because the AD SAID IT WOULD BEAR FRUIT.

I also always believe that I will win when I play ANY sweepstakes game, buy a lottery ticket (which I did one time), or purchase a raffle ticket.  I truly, truly believe I will win.  I am also SURPRISED when I don't.

Infomercials?  Fuhgeddaboutit. I need EVERYTHING I see on an infomercial.  If they have half an hour to sell me something, it becomes a life's goal of mine to acquire said product.  I focus in on it until I see a commercial for something else that I absolutely must have.

I have come so close to buying those glass things you put in plants to feed them, face creams, foot lotions, tanning supplies, get-thin-quick nutritional supplements, miracle bras, miracle pants, miracle music.  Any new car ad I see makes me want to get that car.  EVEN vehicles that I would never in a million years consider buying. "Oooh, I think I DO need that Ford Ranger for hauling mulch!  Look how SPORTY it is!"

I am such a freakin' sucker.  You could totally sell me swamp land.  Or air.  (I have bought air before at the gas station...you know you have, too.)

Now, I have to run to Target before they sell out of all the copies of Pitch Perfect....


If you like my blog, share it.  Or Like my FB page to get updates.  Or subscribe to the e-mail list.  Or make a comment below.  If you don't like it, well...just try not to hurt my feelings.  I'm sensitive.